this motherfucking sucks

so i’m stuck going on a cruise with my parents and sister, nbd, right? 

until i realize i dont have wifi on the ship and i can’t talk to anyone who can keep me sane

meaning things are going to happen, exciting or enraging, and i cant vent to anyone about it or have anyone cheer me up

i hate this because im too dependent on being with others to improve my mood

in the last 5 months, ive been left alone less than 10 times. and every single time, i stayed in bed/on the couch the entire time, moping. not eating, not talking to anyone, being basically inconsolable until i was around people again. and even when i was, i was mad for awhile because i just get in these mindsets and it reminds me of when i was always mentally/physically alone and i cant handle it because i’m a punkbitch

the thing i like about drawing/painting is that i can do it when i’m mad. its easy to just let it all out on the canvas, and it looks like rage. 

i can’t get that satisfaction out of photography. i can’t take pictures and feel anger in them when i’m alone, i can’t make the art reflect my internal frustration.

maybe i’m doing it wrong, i don’t know. all i know is, this canvas is about to get wrecked.

sometimes words just aren’t enough

cannot focus on project

when my roommate is screaming about football. 

SERIOUSLY WHO GIVES A SHIT, NOT I. NOT ME. NOT NOBODY.